


These Moments

by normativejean



Category: General Hospital
Genre: Alternate Canon, F/M, Gen, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-30
Updated: 2010-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/normativejean/pseuds/normativejean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Robin wanted was a nice, quiet Thanksgiving dinner with her family and friends. She really should have known better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Moments

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Scrubs Board Secret Santa 2007. Diverges from canon somewhere around September/October 2007, with the addition of a Noah/Alexis relationship. Beta'd by empressearwig.

Robin was already certain that it was going to be a drinking sort of day.

"Mac! I am not sticking my hand in there!" Maxie exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest.

Mac sighed. It was too early for this. "Maxie, I need you to hold the inside of the turkey open so I can get the stuffing in."

"Get Georgie or Robin to do it! I just got a manicure, and these babies are _not_ going inside a bird!"

Georgie looked balefully over at her sister. "Maxie, I'm up to my elbows in sweet potatoes here. Just do it."

Maxie still shook her head stubbornly. "No. Why can't Robin do it?"

"Because Robin needs a drink," Robin muttered, wrinkling her nose.

"What?" Mac asked.

Robin quickly shook her head. "Nothing. And Maxie, I'm working on the pies, remember?"

Maxie's lower lip jutted out. "But Robin," she whined, doing a fairly decent impression of a five-year-old, "Cooper is coming today, and _my nails_ , Robin, my nails!"

"Yeah, and my boyfriend's coming, too," Robin replied, rolling her eyes. "You don't see me complaining about my ruined manicure."

"Patrick's used to seeing you up to your elbows in, like, guts and stuff."

Robin really wanted to pinch the bridge of her nose, and she really, _really_ wanted to open up the wine already. Neither was likely to happen, though: her hands were covered in sugar pumpkin, and Mac would pop a vein if she started drinking before the afternoon even started. "Maxie," she said as patiently as possible, "you know I don't actually _perform_ the surgeries, right?"

Maxie waved her off. "Oh, what _ever_ , Robin! The point is, your boyfriend is used to seeing you covered in hospital stuff which, let's be honest here, isn't exactly the height of fashion."

"You'd better be going somewhere with this," Robin hissed through clenched teeth.

"My _point_ is that Coop's used to seeing me at work in a fashion boutique, or glammed up to work in the hotel," Maxie said. "He can't show up here and see me with...with...turkey hands!"

Georgie rolled her eyes at her sister. "Maxie, _my_ boyfriend's coming, too, and you don't see me complaining either."

"Oh, please," Maxie scoffed. "Dillon's got no room to complain about how you look, _ever_. Even setting aside him being an ass for nearly a year, you married him on his _deathbed_. He wasn't exactly the height of beauty then, either."

Georgie’s grin tightened. "How about we not remind Mac about that right before Dillon comes over?" she said through her teeth, nodding suggestively at Maxie.

Mac groaned. This Thanksgiving was supposed to be simple and stress-free. It was supposed to be just him and his girls. But Robin was with Patrick, and Georgie now back with Dillon -- who Mac would be watching _like a hawk_ after the way that little idiot had treated his baby girl this past year -- and now that he had accepted Maxie dating one of his police cadets, she had wanted Cooper there, too.

The problem, Mac figured, was that he had just never been able to say 'no' to his girls. And that was why, in addition to the boyfriends he would be monitoring, Patrick's father, Noah, was also coming to Thanksgiving dinner. It was also why, at Robin's insistence, Noah was bringing his girlfriend, Alexis Davis, and Alexis's two children. It would be noisy, it would be chaotic, and it would be anything but stress-free. Mac liked Alexis and Noah just fine, but life in Port Charles had taught him that the more people who gathered in an enclosed space, the more likely it was that disaster would strike.

Thank god Robert and Anna had both declined their invitations to dinner. It was the first time Mac had ever been grateful for the unpredictable world of international espionage.

"Maxie!" Mac bellowed over the girls' increasing arguing. "Just get over here and stick your hands in the bird!"

Maxie made one more pathetic noise, but hung her head and walked over to the kitchen island where the turkey was sitting in its pan. Robin couldn't tell who looked worse, Maxie or the bird.

Gingerly, Maxie stuck the very tips of her fingers into the opening at the bottom of the turkey and spread it apart. "Ew! Ew! Ew! Mac, hurry up and get the stuffing in here! Ew!"

Mac closed his eyes and counted to ten, very slowly--

" _Mac_!"

Georgie was unsuccessful in containing her laughter, and the look in Maxie's eyes promised a violent end for her sister, as Mac pushed as much stuffing into the bird's cavity as he could.

Robin stared longingly at the refrigerator, where the wine was chilling. It was going to be a long, long day.

*****

"What are you _doing_?!"

"I have to add the cherries now."

"You can't put cherries in the sweet potatoes! Coop's allergic to them."

"Maxie, this is the recipe we always use."

"So make a separate batch without cherries."

"I am not making two batches of sweet potatoes!"

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't like, super-important!"

"So why don't _you_ make your boyfriend a separate batch on your own?"

"What is so difficult about just not putting cherries in?"

"I already put in the nutmeg, and if I don't add the cherries then it's going to taste all bitter!"

"So just put in some more sugar!"

"Stop back-seat cooking, Maxie!"

"Just add some damn sugar, Georgie!"

Mac sighed and passed the now-open bottle of wine to Robin. It would still be another three hours before the guests came. Mac refused to believe allowing Robin to drink that early in the morning made him a bad parent. It had become a survival necessity about an hour ago

Robin looked at the already half-empty bottle, then at her feuding cousins, shrugged, and poured herself another glass. At least they wouldn't have to worry about there being any alcohol left to tempt Noah by the time he arrived.

*****

"Ooh, Uncle Mac! That smells so good!"

Mac smirked proudly as he carefully set the turkey on the kitchen island for turning and basting. "I told you, it's all in the details, Robin."

Maxie snorted, prompting Georgie to roll her eyes and smack her sister on the arm. "Just because _some_ of us don't have the patience for cooking--"

"Oh my god, I _tried_ to make the sweet potatoes myself! It's not my fault they burned," Maxie pouted defensively.

Georgie shook her head, eyes wide. "I didn't even know it was _possible_ to burn sweet potatoes, Maxie."

"Well, if _you_ had just made them instead in the first place—“

“Or you could pull your own weight around the kitchen—“

Mac studiously ignored his daughters in favor of carefully basting the turkey. “You see, Robin,” he said over the bickering, “it’s in the details, and in the timing. You have to get the juices to absorb evenly, or else parts of the turkey will be too dry and others will be too moist.”

Robin nodded, even as she kept glancing between Mac, her cousins, and the clock. Patrick and the others would be arriving in less than two hours, and she was growing less and less certain that the holiday would go off successfully. She was sure that the food would be good – Robin was nothing if not fully confident in Mac’s cooking abilities – but there had been a tight knot in the pit of Robin’s stomach all morning that told her the day just wouldn’t be quiet and easy. She looked pitifully at her empty wine glass. Experience had taught her that there would never be enough alcohol in the world to get through a holiday in Port Charles completely unscathed. She wondered if it was just stubbornness that kept her from fully embracing her inevitable fate.

“So, Uncle Mac,” Robin said brightly, turning away from the sight of Maxie and Georgie holding mixing spoons out like weapons. “What should we be doing with the stuffing?”

*****

Robin ran the towel over her hair to help it dry faster, forcing herself not to look at the time. She practically had an internal nuclear clock after years of delicate lab experiments, and she already knew that there was less than an hour before everyone arrived. She supposed she should be thankful for small favors; Maxie could have accidentally spilled the cranberry sauce on Robin’s head as she was bent near the oven when it was too late to take a second shower of the day.

“Robin, really, I am so sorry,” Maxie offered, squeezing into the bathroom to apply her makeup.

“It’s fine, Maxie.” Robin finger-combed her hair and dropped the towel into the laundry basket. “At least this didn’t happen _after_ everyone got here, right?”

Maxie nodded distractedly, focusing intently on the liquid eyeliner wand she held near her face. “God, you would think they’d’ve invented a better wand for liquid liner by now,” she muttered. “It shouldn’t take like, five minutes to get a straight line.”

Robin chuckled. “Please. You know you love spending all this time getting glammed up for your boy.”

“That’s true!” Maxie chirped, carefully lining her other eye. “I mean, I do have a certain image to maintain, and Coop loves coming to see me at work in the boutique.”

“Well, maybe Coop just likes all the shiny dresses,” Georgie snickered as she walked passed Robin and into the bathroom.

“Oh, ha ha. You’re so funny, Georgie.”

Georgie laughed and opened her own makeup bag. “Hey, Robin, can I borrow your bracelet? The one with the moonstones?”

Robin nodded, leaning against the doorframe and watching her cousins finish primping. She still needed a few more minutes to let her hair air-dry before styling it, and she enjoyed the moments of simple family time like these. They were far too few, it always seemed, and Robin had learned a long time ago to never take the people she loved for granted. She smiled softly at Maxie and Georgie’s light bickering over one of the curling irons and dipped her head. They were here and healthy and whole, Uncle Mac was downstairs putting the finishing touches on dinner, the man she loved and people she adored were going to arrive soon, and she had spoken to both of her parents the night before. All things considered, Robin thought, she was ridiculously happy, and she was grateful for the moments like this.

Today was Thanksgiving, after all.

*****

Robin beamed brightly when she opened the door. Patrick smiled back at her, reaching for a kiss as he entered the house while he balanced a pastry box in his hands.

“Hey, you,” she murmured as they pulled apart, ignoring the giggling she heard from Maxie and Georgie in the living room.

“Hey,” Patrick replied softly, brushing his nose against Robin’s. “Happy Thanksgiving. I come bearing pie.”

“Really?” Robin asked, taking the box from her boyfriend’s hands. “I told you, you really didn’t have to bring anything.”

Patrick shook his head, hanging his coat in the hall jacket like he always did. “Home baked,” he sang teasingly.

Robin blinked. “Not from _your_ home, I hope.”

Bumping her shoulder lightly, Patrick snorted and stole another kiss. “ _No_ , though can I just say how much it warms my heart to know you have such faith in my cooking abilities?”

“Shush.” Robin rolled her eyes at his pouting. “You are perfectly capable of making breakfast, but the rest of the day’s meals just…elude you.”

“They do not _elude_ me. I just haven’t mastered them yet.”

“And I suppose that means you’ll let me teach you more cooking in the future?”

Patrick grinned and buried his face against Robin’s neck. “Now, why would I do that?” he asked softly, his breath tickling her skin, “when I have you working your magic in my kitchen again?”

Robin _hated_ when he did that, because she was helpless against him nuzzling _that spot_ and the bastard _knew_ it. It figured that she would fall in love with a guy who would use sensitive information to his evil advantage.

“Aww,” came the twin coos from Maxie and Georgie. “Not that we’re not happy that you two _finally_ worked things out,” Maxie said, “but I really don’t think you want Mac to walk in and see you groping each other."

Robin giggled in embarrassment and hid her face against Patrick’s shoulder. “We are not _groping_ each other,” she said, though it came out rather muffled.

Patrick smirked and waved at Maxie. “Thanks for the warning, but I think I’d rather take my chances than miss any more opportunities.” Satisfied, he wrapped his arms around Robin, taking care not to crush the box of pie he had convinced Mike to bake special for the day. Mike, it turned out, was a rather incurable romantic who was rooting for Patrick to stay on Mac Scorpio’s good side.

“Um.” The voice was coming from the doorway behind Patrick. “I think it’s great that you’re not afraid of Mac, but we kind of are, so could you not do anything to put him in a bad mood?”

Georgie sprang up from the couch. “Dillon!” she squealed, wrapping her arms around her newly-reunited boyfriend.

Maxie propped her chin in a hand and watched the two couples embrace. “I would just like it pointed out for the record that I’m actually the one not doing anything likely to give Mac an aneurysm— _Cooper_!”

She bounced off of the couch and into her boyfriend’s arms when he stepped out from behind Dillon. “Happy Thanksgiving,” he laughed, pulling Maxie in for a tight hug.

“It definitely is, now,” she murmured happily.

Coop looked over the top of Maxie’s head at the others. “Where’s Commissioner Scorpio?”

Georgie pulled away from Dillon and pointed towards the kitchen in the back of the house. “He’s finishing up the food. We’ve sort of, um…” she trailed off sheepishly.

“We’ve been banned from the kitchen,” Robin supplied, rubbing a tired hand over her face.

Patrick laughed. “Why?” He was honestly baffled. Robin was a good cook, and from what little he knew, so was Georgie. He couldn’t imagine why Mac would have kicked them out of the kitchen, and he said as much.

To the men’s shock, all three women flushed bright pink.

“There was, um, an incident,” Maxie said.

“It was really more of an accident,” Georgie added.

“Let’s just say it involved the first batch of cranberry sauce, a lot of marshmallows, and my hair,” Robin finished, casting a glance at her cousins. “And let us never say anything more about it.”

Maxie and Georgie nodded solemnly. “Agreed,” they said.

Patrick, Dillon, and Cooper looked at each other in confusion, but let it drop. They were all intimately familiar with the sometimes-bizarre rules that accompanied dating a Scorpio-Jones girl. Leaning in for one more kiss before braving the kitchen and Mac, Patrick frowned slightly at the taste he hadn’t noticed on Robin’s lips until just then.

“Robin?” he whispered. “Have you been drinking already?”

Robin didn’t answer, and merely pressed her fingers against Patrick’s lips to silence him. “I had a feeling,” she hedged by way of a response.

Patrick ducked his head to his chest and sighed, following the others towards the kitchen. Robin’s “feelings” never boded well for him.

*****

“Mac, thank you again for inviting us over.”

Alexis smiled her gratitude while Noah helped her out of her coat and handed it to Robin, who stood beaming at the two. She had flashed a not-at-all-subtle thumbs up at the sight of Alexis and Noah arriving together, complete with Alexis’s two small children, who had been swept inside by Georgie and Dillon as soon as they appeared. Kristina had pulled away from them and latched on to Patrick’s side – and she hadn’t let go yet – but Molly remained captivated by the others.

Mac waved her thanks off, shaking Noah’s hand briefly but solidly before pulling Alexis into a quick hug. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “The more the merrier.”

Noah laughed. “Mac, I might have been gone for a while, but I do remember a few things about this town.”

“Yes, like the fact that more people in an enclosed space is always inviting trouble,” Alexis said, her eyes twinkling with mirth.

“And the fact that holidays rarely go off as planned, even on the good days,” Noah added, reaching his hand to brush the bottom of Alexis’s back as they walked into the living room.

Mac shook his head. “All that matters,” he said firmly, “is that we’re here with family and friends, and what is that smell?”

Maxie squeaked and rushed into the kitchen before Mac could get inside. “Oh no!” she wailed. “I forgot about them!”

Mac stood in the entryway to the kitchen and pressed his thumb and forefinger into his eyes. Maybe if he tried really, really hard, he could pretend that there wasn’t a thin cloud of smoke making the kitchen hazy. “Forgot about _what_ , Maxie?”

His daughter made another pitiful noise as she stared forlornly at the baking pan she had just rescued from the second oven.

Robin peered into the kitchen around Mac’s body. Her eyes widened when she saw the smoking pan in question and the pained look Maxie was sending Cooper. “Oh,” Robin choked out. “Were those the sweet potatoes?”

Georgie pushed into the kitchen around Mac’s other side, practically shoving him out of the room. “Oh my god, Maxie, _again_?!”

“I tried!” Maxie cried, dropping the pan into the sink. By that point, everyone was peering over or around Mac to try and see what was going on. Mac forced himself to remember that at least nothing had burned down. This time.

“Tried what?” Mac gritted out. It was _Thanksgiving_ and he _loved_ his daughters, no matter _what_ they did. And maybe this would be the worst disaster of the day. It was nearly four o’clock; he was sure they could survive another eight hours. “Tried _what_?” he asked again, calmer.

Maxie sniffled and leaned into Coop, who had squeezed around Georgie to comfort his girlfriend. “I tried making another batch of sweet potatoes _without_ the cherries.” She shot a narrowed glare at her sister, who stuck her tongue out in return. “But I forgot they were in the oven.”

“When did you make them?” Mac asked, baffled. He had been there nearly the whole time…

“When you ran out to get more cranberries,” Maxie confessed. “I suck at cooking.”

Cooper shook his head and hugged Maxie tighter. “So what? You tried, and you kept trying, and I’ll take that over a five-star chef any day.”

Robin grinned at the two of them and reached out for Patrick’s hand, holding tightly. She felt him lean in and pull her against his chest, and she stepped away from the crowd to follow him back to the living room.

“Is this another thing that I shouldn’t ask about?” he teased, wrapping his arms around her and pecking her nose.

“Probably,” Robin agreed, smiling and standing on tip-toe to press a kiss against his mouth. “It ties in with the unfortunate cranberries-in-my-hair incident.”

Patrick sniffed her hair and chuckled when she punched his arm. “Hmm, everything seems in order,” he said. “But I would like to do a more thorough exam, Dr. Scorpio. You know that cranberries can have adverse effects that aren’t readily apparent. I think we should go someplace more private and continue this discussion.”

Robin burst out laughing and punched Patrick again. “Okay, first of all, _pig_! Second, we’re not going anywhere.” She leaned back, not fully removing herself from the circle of his arms but enough to fiddle with the collar on his shirt. “You promised me a nice, normal, family Thanksgiving. And your dad and Alexis are here, and Maxie and Coop and Georgie and Dillon are back together, and I just want to have…” She sighed and looked up at the man she was over-the-moon-crazy in love with. “I just want this one day, you know?”

Patrick’s eyes softened and he nodded, leaning his forehead against hers. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” He turned his head to watch the group standing in the kitchen. “Dad seems happy. Really happy. I haven’t seen him like this since…”

“I know,” Robin replied gently, smiling at the scene. Kristina’s voice carried out to the living room as she said, “Mommy, if the kitchen’s on fire, we should get the exting-isher.”

Noah laughed and leaned down to kneel next to Kristina. “Extin _gui_ sher,” he corrected gently. “And you’re absolutely right, if the kitchen were on fire, we should definitely get the extinguisher out. But everything’s fine now, so you don’t have to worry.”

Kristina nodded solemnly, then threw her arms around Noah’s neck quickly. “Okay!” she said happily. “I’m gonna play with Dr. Patrick and Dr. Robin now!”

Robin jumped out of the way just tin time as Kristina launched herself at Patrick, wrapping her arms firmly around his leg. Patrick stumbled slightly, but caught his balance and ruffled the girl’s hair. “Hi there, Kristina.” He smiled. “Whatcha doing down there?”

“Hugging you,” Kristina replied very matter-of-factly. She turned her head to smile up at Robin. “I’m gonna marry Dr. Patrick!”

Laughter filled the living room, and Patrick couldn’t stop the slight blush that colored his cheeks. “You don’t think you’re a little young to get married, Kristina?” he asked bemusedly.

Robin chuckled and walked back to them. “I don’t know, she seems plenty mature to me.” Her eyes shone with amusement, and Patrick answered her look with the promise of _appropriate_ retribution later that night. Robin was, naturally, not at all deterred.

Kristina’s smile was so wide that Patrick had a moment of irrational panic at the thought that she might actually break her face. “See? Dr. Robin thinks so too!”

Noah walked over to his son, chuckling as he patted his shoulder. “Looks like you’re a keeper, Patrick.”

Alexis smiled softly at the sight of Noah and Patrick so obviously enthralled by her daughter. She certainly knew the feeling. She looked towards her other daughter, who was happily babbling away in Georgie’s arms to the younger woman and Dillon. Alexis raised an eyebrow at the look on Dillon’s face while he watched Georgie and the toddler, and she forced back a laugh at the sight of _Mac_ seeing the look on Dillon’s face. She hurried over and took back Molly before there was any bloodshed. It was Thanksgiving, after all, and even the Cassadines had always had the good manners to wait until after eating dinner to kill people.

Mac sighed, catching Alexis’s eye and knowing she had seen the enraptured way Dillon was looking at Mac’s little girl. Georgie might have forgiven the bastard, but Mac wasn’t quite so kindly disposed, and Mac thought it was only right that Dillon not look so blatantly like he was imagining having a baby with _his_ baby when Mac was _in the same room_. He cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“How about we eat? I think we’re all more than ready to settle down for the day.”

It would be _great_ if, just for once since he had lived in Port Charles, the universe listened to him.

***  
“Seriously, Mac, this is delicious,” Dillon said around a mouthful of turkey. He figured there was no such thing as too much sucking up to his girlfriend’s licensed-to-carry-concealed-weaponry father. That his compliment was actually true just helped him keep a straight face while he said it.

Georgie quickly nods in agreement, picking up on her boyfriend’s plot to ingratiate himself with Mac. “It really does.”

The Scorpio-Jones dining room table was completely covered, with nary an inch of extra space around it. The house hadn’t seen such a large group sitting down for dinner in quite a while, which the food on top of the table attested to. A huge twenty-five pound turkey anchored the spread, and the rest of the table was covered by sweet potatoes (the ones with cherries; Maxie’s second attempt had been burned beyond salvation, even with the combined cooking skills of Mac and Noah), small roasted potatoes (which Maxie guarded zealously near her and Cooper), cranberry sauce (which Robin politely but emphatically demanded remain as far away from her as possible), pecan green beans (a surprise hit with Kristina), a broccoli casserole (an even bigger surprise hit with Kristina), and four plates of tapenades and breads (courtesy of the Metro Court kitchen, Jax’s way of ensuring that Alexis wasn’t tempted to try cooking something to impress Noah). The three pitchers of iced tea and sparkling water hovered precariously near the edges of the table for lack of room anywhere else.

The conversation had flowed much easier than Robin had feared. Dillon and Georgie had managed to keep the topics light and fun, focusing on the latest Hollywood releases with a few comments about Sundance favorites thrown in for good measure. Alexis and Noah bantered and commentated with equal fervor, and Mac had managed to limit the death glares he sent towards his girls’ boyfriends to what Robin considered a very small number.

Perhaps her favorite moment of the afternoon had been the very intense debate Patrick had gotten into with Kristina over the merits of current Sesame Street versus the one he had grown up watching. Robin had caught Patrick’s eye a few times during that particular exchange, and the look he held in them made her think that the reason they had broken up in the first place might actually be a conquerable obstacle after all.

Robin felt happier than she could remember being in a long time.

“Noah, could you help me carve the rest of the turkey in the kitchen?” Mac asked casually after making sure the rest of the table was happily engaged in other conversation.

Noah furrowed his brow in confusion, but nodded and stood up, following Mac and the turkey into the kitchen. And out of earshot of the table, he noticed.

Mac set the bird down on the counter and handed Noah a set of carving knives. “How’re you handling it?”

Noah blinked as he took the knives. “What do you mean?” He stared at the turkey and pondered a plan of attack. It had been almost twelve years since he had carved a turkey for Thanksgiving, and while his surgical skills were intact, he wasn’t sure about his bird-slicing skills.

Mac leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. He nodded pointedly towards the dining room, where occasional bursts of laughter filtered through the doorway. “Look, I’ve been there. One minute you’re living your life, maybe not happy, but content, and then you turn around and suddenly you find yourself raising someone else’s daughters.” Mac quirked a half-smile at the similarities between their situations. “It’s a strange adjustment, especially if you weren’t prepared for girls.”

Understanding washed over Noah, and he set the knives down and breathed a sigh of relief. He had wondered how to go about talking to Mac about this. Robin had done nothing except sing the man’s praises for as long as Noah had known her, and now that he found himself in a position to want Kristina and Molly to look at him the same way Robin, Maxie, and Georgie looked at Mac, the full extent of such a daunting task was hitting him. The holiday, his and Alexis’s first real test as a couple, had made Noah realize just how much he wanted things to work out.

“How the hell did you do it, man?” Noah laughed ruefully, shaking his head. “Patrick’s actually been pretty okay about the whole thing, and I think a part of him likes the idea of getting to play big brother to Kristina and Molly. But everything involving the kids still feels like I’m walking on eggshells. When it’s just Alexis and me, everything’s fine. But you put her daughters in the mix and suddenly I don’t know where my place is.”

“And those kids still have their fathers in the mix,” Mac added.

Noah nodded. “To be honest, I’m actually kind of relieved that Sam had to be in Manhattan for network meetings over the holiday. She and Alexis are still working out their own issues, and I’m honestly not sure how adding me into the mix is helping things.”

“You _and_ Patrick,” Mac said. “No offense, but I was getting pretty worried about how he was treating Robin the last few months.”

“You and me both,” Noah snorted. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, but he’s an absolute idiot where your niece is concerned.”

Mac didn’t disagree. “But I’ll say this much: whatever you’re doing with Alexis and those girls seems to be helping him work through whatever his issues were.” Mac’s expression softened. “That means you’re doing something right, Noah. It means things are good.”

“Thanks.” Noah waved towards the dining room. “We don’t get ‘good’ nearly as often as we should in this life.”

“Especially not in this town,” Mac agreed. He frowned when he heard the doorbell ring, followed by several voices shouting _“I’ll get it!”_

Noah turned back to Mac. “Were you expecting anybody else today?”

“No.” Mac hung his head in defeat.

Noah laughed and said, “What was it you were saying about things going well, again?”

*****  
Kristina got to the door first, ignoring her mother’s cry of _“We do not open strange doors, young lady!”_ and pulling the handle.

“Hi!” she chirped, waving at the tall woman standing in the doorway, looking down in confusion.

“Ah…hello?” The woman talked funny, sort of like Cousin Nikolas’s butler.

Alexis pulled her daughter back and smiled an apology at the woman standing in the doorway. She heard Robin’s surprised gasp and stood aside, watching as the doctor ran forward and embraced the woman who had stepped into the foyer.

“Oh my god, _Mom_!” Robin cried happily, throwing her arms around Anna. “I thought you were on assignment!”

Anna dropped her duffel bag on the ground and returned her daughter’s enthusiastic hug. “I convinced my superiors that it was positively evil to keep a mother away from her daughter on Thanksgiving.”

Robin grinned widely. “You didn’t use violence, did you?”

Anna looked affronted. “I am quite capable of making my point using a rational and logical argument.”

“Your superiors are a little afraid of you, aren’t they?” Robin pulled back, but kept a hand wrapped around her mother’s.

“Well, I wouldn’t be very good at my job if people weren’t well aware of the consequences when I don’t get what I want,” Anna replied lightly, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She waved at a beaming Maxie and Georgie. “Hello, girls.”

They waved back, and Alexis extended a hand. “A woman after my own heart,” she laughed. “Alexis Davis. I’ve heard quite a lot about you, Ms. Devane.”

Anna’s eyes lit up. “Oh! Robin’s told me all about you! And it’s Anna, please.” She shook Alexis’s hand firmly. “We strong women need to stick together in this town, Ms. Davis.

“Alexis, please.”

Kristina looked up at Anna. “You’re Dr. Robin’s mommy?”

Anna knelt down and smiled at the young girl. “Indeed I am, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

“I’m Kristina Adela Davis,” she replied, sticking her hand out to be shaken. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

Several coos echoed in the living room, and Anna had to restrain herself from pulling Kristina into a hug. “It’s very nice to meet you, too.” Looking up at Alexis, Anna mouthed, _“She is so adorable!”_

Alexis laughed and rested her arms over her daughter’s shoulders. “Thanks. Unfortunately, the flip side to being adorable,” she jiggled Kristina lightly, making the girl giggle, “is that she’s also too precocious for her own good.”

Anna raised a knowing eyebrow. “Case in point, opening the door at someone else’s house without knowing who it is?”

“Uh-huh.” Alexis sighed and gently pushed Kristina back towards Patrick and Noah, who…hmm. Alexis noted the distinct sense of nervousness radiating off of both men. Interesting.

“I have some experience with that phenomenon,” Anna said, casting a pointed look at Robin.

“I beg your pardon, Mom,” Robin retorted, smiling and crossing her arms across her chest. “I was a perfect little angel.”

Patrick burst out laughing, quickly attempting to cover the sound with a deep cough when Robin turned to face him. “Sorry,” he forced out, trying not to smile. “Cranberry was stuck.”

Robin swatted at his arm and grimaced. “Oh, shut up. You didn’t even know me when I was a kid.”

“Robin, you grew up to be the kind of woman who scissor-kicks men away from you in airport bars—“

Anna’s jaw dropped. “ _Really_?” No one had told her _that_ particular story.

Elbowing her boyfriend sharply, Robin, hissed, “We agreed never to mention that!”

Cooper, standing in the back of the room, leaned over to Dillon. “There’s an awful lot we’re never supposed to mention in this house,” he whispered.

Dillon nodded. “Trust me, it’s best to just go along with whatever the women in this family say. Ow!”

Georgie smirked and hefted Molly back up, regaining her grasp on the toddler after using one hand to smack Dillon. “It’s also best not to talk about us when we’re standing right next to you.”

“Sorry,” Dillon said contritely, pecking a kiss to her lips. Seeing Georgie’s apparent forgiveness, he leaned back over to Cooper and whispered, “You know that they’re all licensed to carry guns, right? _Ow_!”

Maxie looked incredibly satisfied as she watched Dillon rub at where she had smacked his other arm. She rested back against Cooper, looking up at his with innocent eyes. “Just because we’re licensed doesn’t mean that we _do_.”

Eyes wide, Cooper just nodded. “Good to know. As much as I like being the one to protect you, it’s kind of hot that you can carry a gun if you wanted to.”

Dillon nodded. “Definitely hot.”

“If you two are finished calling my _daughters hot_ ,” Mac’s voice rumbled from behind them, “I’d like to get through here.”

The boys jumped back, knocking Georgie and Maxie out of the way. Georgie frowned and adjusted her grip on Molly, while Maxie huffed and rolled her eyes. “Okay, seriously,” she said, “you’re going to have to learn to handle Mac better than that.”

“He’s my boss!” Cooper hissed, glancing up nervously to make sure Mac wasn’t paying attention to him anymore.

“And I’m just plain scared of him,” Dillon added, smiling an apology at Georgie.

Molly started fussing. Georgie rubber the child’s back soothingly, murmuring soft comforts to her, but she continued squirming and rubbing at her eyes.

“I’ll take her,” Noah said quietly, keeping one eye on the entryway, where Alexis, Anna, Robin, and Mac stood laughing.

Georgie’s eyes widened with comprehension. “Does Alexis not know about the whole Eli Love thing?” she gasped, looking from Noah to Alexis to Anna.

Noah shook his head almost imperceptibly. “It…hasn’t exactly come up yet. And I think Patrick is pretending that entire thing never happened.”

Maxie grinned evilly at Noah’s back as he walked with Molly over to his son. “Man, now I wish we had popcorn.”

“ _Maxie_ ,” Georgie admonished weakly. She had to admit, she was sort of hopeful at the thought of her relationship not being on Mac’s radar for the rest of the day. A little breathing room wasn’t too much to ask for. Robin would just have to forgive her for rooting for Patrick’s father’s love life to take center stage.

“The only thing that would make this day complete,” Maxie sighed happily, continuing her thought, “would be if Robert showed up, too.”

And, because Port Charles really was located under a dark star, a jovial, scratchy voice boomed from the doorway, “Did I hear someone say my name?”

*****

Robin gasped and covered her mouth, unsure if she should run forward and embrace her father, or if she should run far away to avoid the explosion that would inevitably result from her, her boyfriend, her Uncle Mac, and her parents all being in the same house at the same time. She searched the group for Patrick, only to narrow her eyes at the sight of Maxie – and _Georgie_ , that traitor! – inching forward to watch the show. See if she ever lied to Uncle Mac when either of them stayed out passed curfew again!

“Well, luv, what’s this? No hug for your dear old dad?” Robert dropped his duffel on the floor and opened his arms, grinning widely.

Anna pursed her lips tightly and crossed her arms, studying her ex-husband thoroughly. “What are you doing here, Robert? When I last spoke with Mac, he said you weren’t going to be able to make it.”

“Well, my dear,” Robert replied, tugging Robin into his arms. “My brother told me the same thing about _you_. Which begs the question—“

“Did you follow me here?” Anna asked incredulously.

Robert had the grace to look affronted. Robin remained tense in his embrace, waiting for the fireworks to start. She loved her parents, she really did, but was it really asking too much to just have one nice, quiet, normal holiday dinner with her family and her boyfriend?

Apparently, it was.

“I did no such thing,” Robert protested. “I simply made some adjustments to my current assignment, did a little bit of recon, and decided that being with my loving family,” he smiled – genuinely, Robin noted happily – was far more important than a mission that was dead in the water at the moment, anyway.”

Anna was having none of it. Raising a hand, she pointed an accusing finger at him. “I _knew_ it!”

Noah leaned over to Alexis. “Knew what?” he whispered.

She shook her head, taking her baby from him. “I have no idea,” she whispered back, shushing him. She was a Cassadine, after all, and an after-dinner fight amongst family members was par for course.

“Knew what?” Robert asked, louder than Noah, and blinking far too quickly to be innocent.

Robin groaned and covered her face with her hands, moving aside to stand with Patrick. She should have _known_.

“Recon!” Anna snapped. “I’ve known you for far too long for that to go over my head!”

“Now, really, Anna. The only reason I checked up on you was because I _care_ about what happens to the mother of my child!”

“Oh, my _foot_!” Anna jabbed a finger into Robert’s chest, waving Mac off when he looked ready to intervene. It wasn’t as if she had drawn her gun. Yet. “You followed me here!”

Robert cleared his throat and rubbed a hand through his hair. “Technically, I only looked at your personnel updates and your travel manifesto and timed my own holiday accordingly.”

Anna gaped at him, opening and closing her mouth a few times, looking like a fish. “You…you _tailed_ me!”

“Oh, if you want to argue _semantics_.”

“Robert!” Anna reached into her jacket.

“Mom!” Robin cried, feeling Patrick’s arms drop from her sides in shock.

“Today just got so much better!” Maxie squealed excitedly.

“Are they always like this?” Alexis asked no one in particular, although she raised an eyebrow at Noah’s nervous expression.

“Anna!” Mac shouted, gripping her arms down. “There will be no shooting anybody today! It is _Thanksgiving_ , and you and Robert – don’t thank me, you idiot! If it were any other day, I’d let her shoot you – are going to put aside your many, _many_ issues, and come inside to finish dinner with us.” He pulled Anna and Robert into a tight circle. “Robin wanted a nice, normal, _quiet_ Thanksgiving, with family and friends. _Shooting people_ does not qualify as nice, normal, and quiet. Just…” Mac sighed. “Just do this for Robin. Please?”

Anna remained tense for a moment, but finally acquiesced and relaxed. “You’re right, Mac, of course. Whatever Robin wants.”

“Agreed.” Robert nodded. He flashed an apologetic look to Anna. She though perhaps she had seen him truly remorseful a total of five times in her life, and Anna knew that this moment made it six. “It really wasn’t on purpose, darling. I just wanted to know if you’d be coming to Port Charles for the holiday or not.”

“And you couldn’t just call and ask?” Anna whispered. “Or at least somehow get a message out to me?” She swallowed, but pressed onward. “You’re getting on in years, Robert. I…that is, we, I mean, Robin and I…when you go too long without contacting anyone, it’s a cause for some concern.” Damn that bastard, but it was true.

The apology was gone in a flash, replaced by the cocky smirk that was far more at home on his face. “Aw, luv, you still love me!”

Whatever momentary concern she had felt was gone just as quickly. “Oh!” Anna muttered, before turning away and looking at their audience. Well, well… “Oh, hello, Noah.” Robert thought she still _loved him_ , did he?

Noah paled, a just-barely-visible change in skin color, but Robin and Patrick both saw it. Alexis, never one to show her hand too soon, merely raised her eyebrows and looked coolly at Noah. There was something in Anna’s words and Noah’s responses to her that warranted closer inspection, yes, but Alexis was quite confident that Robin’s mother was more concerned with Robert’s reaction than with Noah’s.

Robert’s reaction was, in fact, quite spectacular, if understated for his normal fiery persona. At the sight of Anna resting her hand gently on Noah’s forearm – Noah _Drake_! Of all the things…! – his face flushed and he had to grit his teeth against the first thoughts that raced through his head, none of which lent themselves to Robin’s desire for a nice, quiet family dinner. But then, Anna flirting with her daughter’s boyfriend’s father, who appeared to be there with another woman, certainly required a _few_ changes to the rules.

Actually, the woman Noah seemed to be escorting was rather stunning. And she was standing there, watching the display between Anna and Noah with what looked suspiciously like amusement; Robert’s weakness had always been attractive, confident women. He knew he had seen her around Port Charles before, although Robert couldn’t remember ever getting a formal introduction. Well, if that was the game Anna was going to play…

“Excuse me,” he said, waltzing up to Noah’s date and extending a hand, “but I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Robert Scorpio, Robin’s father.”

“Alexis Davis,” she replied, shifting Molly into one arm and extending her other. She smirked when Robert lifted her proffered hand for a gentlemanly kiss. “Well. Aren’t you a charmer?” Alexis looked over at Noah curiously, almost daring him to match Robert’s actions. Before Noah could respond, however, Anna wrapped her arm through Noah’s.

“Dr. Drake, we absolutely must catch up,” Anna said silkily, guiding – pulling – Noah through the crowd and back to the dining room. “Perhaps as we finish dinner?” Noah barely had time to pass Molly back to Georgie before Anna led him away.

“Ms. Davis,” Robert said though a wide, tight grin, “if I might escort you back to the dining room?”

Alexis shook her head incredulously. The day was finally starting to feel like a real Port Charles holiday, for all that they had tried to avoid such a thing. She really did feel badly for poor Robin and Patrick, who were stuck watching their parents act like teenagers, but then, Alexis was no stranger to familial insanity. At least if she went along with things, she might be able to mitigate some of the carnage.

“I’d be delighted. And it’s Alexis, please, Mr. Scorpio,” she replied lightly, handing Molly back to Georgie and smiling ruefully at Robin and Patrick, who wore twin looks of despair on their faces. Yes, there was definitely more to this story than Alexis was aware of.

“Robert, please.” With a flourish, he took a hold of Alexis’s elbow and followed Anna and Noah towards the back of the house.

“Oh, dear god,” Mac muttered, scrubbing his hands over his face and hurrying after his _completely insane_ brother and ex-sister-in-law.

“I am _not_ missing this.” Maxie grinned and followed Mac, dragging a stunned and thoroughly confused Cooper with her.

Georgie bounced Molly on her hip and looked at Dillon. “We should at least _try_ to contain some of the damage,” she said.

“This is even better than Thanksgiving at the Quartermaines,” was Dillon’s reply as he and Georgie headed for the dining room, leaving Robin and Patrick alone.

“Oh my god,” Robin breathed.

“Oh my god,” Patrick agreed.

“Please tell me I just imagined all of that.”

“Only if you can tell me the same thing.”

Robin looked up at Patrick in horror. “I cannot live through this again!” she hissed. “It was bad enough watching my mom and your dad almost hook up the first time!”

“I don’t know what’s worse,” Patrick moaned, burying his face in the top of Robin’s head. “Watching your mom flirt with my dad to get a rise out of _your_ dad, or watching your dad flirt with _my_ dad’s girlfriend to get a rise out of your mom.”

“Did Noah ever tell Alexis about the whole Eli Love thing?”

Patrick slowly shook his head as the possible ways the day could end flashed through his head. “No.” He swallowed. “Does your dad know that Alexis is a Cassadine?” Robin had filled him in on _that_ little piece of her family’s history, and he was in no way prepared to deal with the potential fallout.

“What do we do?!” Robin gripped Patrick’s arms tightly, panic coloring her voice.

“I don’t know!” Patrick rested his forehead against hers. “But we’re going to have to go back in there and try to do some damage control before things get too out of hand.”

Robin shook her head. “Can’t we just make a break for it and go back to your apartment?”

Patrick chuckled weakly. “Aren’t you the one always telling me not to run away from the hard stuff?”

“That’s different! Do you really want to go in there and watch my parents flirt with Noah and Alexis?”

“No! But I also don’t want this day to get any worse than it already is.” He sighed, some of the fight leaving him. “To be honest, you kind of had me sold on the whole idea of a normal, quiet family dinner.”

Robin smiled, leaning further into Patrick’s embrace. “Yeah, me too.” She pecked a kiss to his lips, smile softening when he pressed them together more deeply. “So,” Robin said when they pulled apart, still close enough to feel each other breathing, “we suck it up and try to salvage the rest of the day?”

Patrick nodded, brushing his nose against hers. “And maybe try to salvage my dad’s and Alexis’s relationship in the process?”

“And keep Mac from just shooting my parents?”

“And maybe try to keep Maxie from taking bets on how the day will end?” Patrick laughed. “That girl is vicious sometimes. I’m really glad she’s on our side.”

Robin giggled. “I’d say that Georgie can keep her in line, but I think they’re both happy to have Uncle Mac focused on something besides their boyfriends.”

“Well, I guess that cuts out Dillon and Cooper as allies,” Patrick snorted. Cowards. At least he was willing to face up to his own stupidity in front of Mac.

“Yeah. So, it’s just us.” Robin couldn’t help but smile a little at that.

“You and me against the world, huh?” Patrick asked. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Robin tugged on Patrick’s hand and walked them towards the dining room. “Plan of attack?”

“Divide and conquer,” Patrick replied confidently. “I’ll handle my dad and Anna, if you take your dad and Alexis.”

“Done,” Robin said. Sucking in a deep breath, she followed the sound of raised voices that intermingled with laughter that she recognized as her cousins’. _Great_. “Let’s do this.”

Patrick steeled himself and followed Robin into the room. “Yeah. This should be easy enough. What's the worst that could happen?”

***  
As it turned out, divide and conquer was maybe not the best course of action. Divide and conquer meant that Robin and Patrick were relegated to seats on opposite sides of the table, unable to communicate except through frantic facial tics and furtive glances. It was a decidedly poor method of communication.

“Noah, I have to say that it was a surprise to see you here today,” Anna was saying as she stroked Noah’s forearm. “A pleasant surprise, certainly, but a surprise nonetheless.”

Noah looked across the table at Alexis, who was currently enraptured by Robert’s attentions. “Well,” he stuttered before clearing his throat and trying again. “That is, Alexis and I are here at Robin’s invitation.”

Robert smirked at Anna briefly. “My daughter had always been the soul of kindness,” he told Alexis. “And I must say, however pleasantly surprised my dear ex-wife is, I can assure you that I am doubly so.”

Alexis quirked an eyebrow at Robin. “That Robin,” she said dryly. “She always has everybody’s best interests at heart.”

Robin was seriously reconsidering speaking to Alexis again for at least a week. “Dad,” she said, rather forcefully, “so, how’ve you been? I know you can’t talk about your actual mission, but I’m sure you have some interesting stories you can share.” She smiled brightly. “ _Please_.”

Robert eyed his daughter carefully. He hadn’t missed the looks she was exchanging with Patrick, who was sitting on the other side of his own father and kept trying to interrupt his conversation with Anna. Robert had been a spy for far too long not to know what Robin and Patrick were up to, and their attempts at interceding in Robert’s and Anna’s affairs wer almost cute in their simplicity.

“Now, darling,” Robert said, waving off her barely-concealed panic. “I’m sure that no one wants to hear about my treks through the Amazon while I was tailing South American arms dealers.”

Anna snorted delicately. “Yes, we all know that _tailing_ is your specialty,” she muttered under her breath.

“I’d _much_ rather talk about this fascinating woman sitting beside me,” Robert finished, carefully ignoring Anna’s eyes.

“But Uncle Robert,” Maxie piped up, propping her chin in one hand as she leaned forward on the table. “ _We’d_ love to hear all about your adventures.” She kicked Dillon’s leg under the table. “ _Wouldn’t we_?” she said, ignoring his yelp and her sister’s pout.

“Oh!” Dillon squeaked when Maxie kicked him again. “Right! Yes, of course we want to hear about your adventures!” He looked helplessly at Georgie. “What was I supposed to do?” he whispered. “She’s hurting me!”

Robert stared his step-niece down. “No,” he said tightly. “I’m rather sure that we _wouldn’t_ like to hear about me.”

Robin cocked her head to the side, nodding impatiently at Patrick. He finally picked up on her signals; he had been distracted trying to casually move some of the serving platters close enough between his father and Anna that they wouldn’t be able to touch anymore without getting an elbow full of butter.

“Oh! What? No!” Patrick said quickly. “I want to know all about your adventures. I want to know all about what Anna’s been doing. I mean, really, no one understands what you two get up to except for, um, you two.”

Robin pressed a hand against her forehead. He was _not_ helping matters.

Anna waved him off. “Oh, posh! That’s not true at all.” She frowned briefly at Robert, but swiftly returned her gaze to Noah. “Isn’t that so, Noah? We had rather a lot in common this summer, I thought.”

At that, Alexis’s eyebrows disappeared beneath her bangs. “ _Really_ ,” she said pointedly to Noah.

Noah gulped and looked frantically to Anna and Patrick for clarification. Anna was staring coolly at Robert, who was returning her glare with equal attention. Patrick was stuck staring at Robin, his jaw dropped open in shock. Well. Noah could at least admit to himself that he _really_ wanted a drink at that moment.

“Anna,” he said tentatively. “Is it really necessary to bring that thing up right now?”

“What?” she asked, never taking her eyes off Robert. “I thought we had a bloody brilliant time this summer.”

Dillon leaned forward slightly to watch the action. “Seriously,” he whispered to Georgie, “ _so_ much better than the Quartermaines.”

“Dillon!” Georgie hissed. “You are not helping!”

“You haven’t taken your eyes off the other end of the table since we sat back down,” Maxie reminded her. “So I don’t think you’re in any position to judge him.”

Georgie opened and closed her mouth several times as she tried to think of a response, finally settling on, “I am just trying to help Robin keep an eye on things,” primly.

Cooper snorted. “Okay, even _I’m_ entertained. It’s like professional wrestling.”

“Only with the possibility of seeing live ammo,” Dillon quipped.

“Scorpio family dinners: they’re like battle, in a way,” Maxie sighed. “What’s Mac doing?”

Mac, for his part, was very successfully ignoring Robert and Anna’s antics, choosing instead to carefully spear the mini potatoes with his fork and eat them, one at a time. He was really getting too old for this.

“Honestly, Robert,” Anna argued. “If you ever bothered to visit your daughter, you’d know all about what happened this summer with Eli Love.”

Robert choked on his laugh. “Eli Love? That old rock star you were obsessed with the entire time we were together?”

Noah coughed delicately. Alexis looked between him and Robert. “Eli Love performed at a benefit concert near here this summer. AIDS awareness, right?” she asked Robin.

“Yes,” Robin replied quickly. “Eli Love was actually in town for a little while, and we met him, and—“

“You know,” Alexis interrupted when a thought hit her. “It just occurred to me how alike Noah and Eli Love look.” Robin and Patrick tensed, Noah turned red, and Anna grinned broadly. The pieces were starting to fall into place. “Oh, don’t tell me…”

Patrick nodded, trying to take control of the conversation on his side of the table. “Yeah. Look, the short version is that Eli was a patient of mine and Robin’s, and he wasn’t medically cleared to perform, and Dad looked enough like him that with a little training…”

“And since Anna’s followed that pop tart’s every move since Robin was a child, she stepped up to ‘help’ him learn everything?” Robert finished, a smug grin on his face.

Anna refused to let him fluster her. “For once, Robert, you’re actually correct.” She smiled at Noah. “And we grew quite close during that time.”

Kristina chose that moment to tug on her mother’s sleeve. “Mommy, what’s everybody talking about?”

Alexis was having trouble holding back her laughter. The panicked and mildly sick looks on Robin’s and Patrick’s faces at the sight of Anna latching onto Noah suddenly made perfect sense, as did Noah’s nervousness when Anna had arrived. Alexis was by no means an insecure woman; she found the whole situation rather amusing. And frankly, she figured she ought to be thanking Anna for bolstering Noah’s confidence enough to get back in the dating pool. Alexis was glad to know what must have finally given Noah enough courage to cross the line from ‘medical confidante and friend’ to ‘significant other.’

“Mommy and her friends are just talking about a singer they all like very much.”

Kristina nodded thoughtfully. “You and Dr. Noah and Dr. Patrick and Dr. Robin and Dr. Robin’s mommy and daddy all like the one guy?”

“That’s right, sweetie,” Alexis replied between chuckles.

“You know,” Robert smiled, leaning forward to look at Kristina. “I don’t believe this young lady and I have been formally introduced yet.” He raised an eyebrow at Anna. “That seems to be an epidemic tonight.”

Anna gritted her teeth and said nothing.

“Hello,” Kristina said politely. “I’m Kristina Adela Davis.” She stuck out a hand in front of her mother, almost knocking over a pitcher of iced tea before Robin was able to catch it.

Robert shook Kristina’s hand firmly. “That’s an awful lot of names for such a little girl,” he said. “I remember Robin had trouble keeping all of her names straight as a child.”

“ _Robert Xavier Scorpio_ ,” Anna hissed, gripping a butter knife tightly.

Patrick looked at Robin in a panic. They hadn’t discussed what to do if someone got a hold of weaponry!

Mac found himself tightening his hold on his own knife. His brother had a damn big mouth sometimes.

“Oh!” Kristina said brightly. “I’ve got lots more names, too! Kristina Adela Corinthos Davis Cassadine!”

Anna’s jaw dropped, and Robin buried her face in her hands, knowing what was coming next.

“Corinthos?” Anna repeated in shock.

“ _Cassadine_?!” Robert yelped.

“Oh man, I wish I had my camera,” Dillon sighed regretfully, earning him an elbow in the gut from Georgie.

Robert looked from Kristina to Alexis to Robin, then back to Alexis. “Cassadine?” he said again.

Alexis sighed internally. She was really so sick of that reaction. “On my side,” she said bluntly. “I’m Mikkos Cassadine’s daughter.” She was sure Robert was a very nice man, but really, he had tried to use her to make his ex-wife jealous, and all while Alexis’s date was sitting right across from him. She supposed it was her Cassadine blood that was happy to be able to turn the tables, so to speak. “Robin’s never told you…?”

“No, she bloody well has not!” Robert boomed, jumping out of his chair and turning on his brother. “Why the bloody hell are there Cassadines in your house?”

Mac stood too, smacking his hands down on either side of his plate. “Oh, I don’t know!” he grimaced sarcastically. “Because they’re not all insane?”

Kristina tugged on Alexis’s sleeve again, more insistently. “Mommy, are we insane?”

Anna figured the entire façade had gone quite far enough. “No, darling. The mean man is just saying silly things.” Her eyes flashed furiously at Robert. “ _Right_?” she asked insistently.

Robert opened his mouth to retort, but caught the sad look on Kristina’s face in time to swallow his comment. “Of course,” he replied, just as tightly as Anna was speaking. He turned his attention to Alexis. “No offense. You actually seem like quite a lovely woman. I’m assuming you get that from your mother’s side.”

Alexis snorted delicately. “Of course I do. You think I think being Mikkos’s bastard child is anything to be particularly proud of?”

“Mommy, what’s a bastard?”

“We don’t say words if we don’t know what they mean,” Alexis answered. “Trust me, I’m well aware that I literally have an evil stepmother who would sooner see me and my children in the ground than risk us sharing in the Cassadine fortune.”

“ _Helena’s still alive_!?”

“Honestly, Robert,” Mac sighed. “Everybody knows that.”

“Well I didn’t!”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you the one who was keeping such close tabs on everyone while we thought you were _dead_?”

“Pie!” Robin shouted quickly. “Who wants pie? I think it’s time for pie! Patrick, help me get the pies!” She motioned him towards the kitchen, and Patrick practically knocked over his chair, he stood up and ran for the other room so fast.

“This is not working!” Patrick hissed as soon as he and Robin were in the relative safety of the kitchen.

“I thought things might be getting better once the Eli Love thing was out in the open,” Robin hyperventilated. “But then everything got so, so much worse.”

Patrick opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Robert’s booming voice, _“For the thousandth time, I am sorry for what I did! How many different ways do I have to say it before you forgive me, you insane woman!”_

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Robin panicked.

“Breathe!” Patrick ordered, shoving his hands to his hips. “There has got to be a way to fix this.”

“I don’t think there is, Patrick.”

 _“Robert, after that stunt you pulled playing dead for fifteen years, I don’t think you’re in any position to lecture me on good parenting!”_

“I am not one of the best neurosurgeons in the country for nothing!” he snapped. “If I can perform some of the most delicate brain surgeries in the world, then I can think of a way to fix this mess.”

“Patrick,” Robin tried to explain, “this is my family, and they are all crazy people. No amount of planning is going to make things better. I should have realized that before, but I’ve been so determined to have a _normal_ holiday that I’ve ignored my instincts all day.”

And really, Robin _should_ have known that trying for a quiet, normal family Thanksgiving was just asking for trouble. It was like being stuck in a Greek tragedy, in a way; Robin always had the indescribable feeling that someone was out there somewhere, orchestrating every insane thing that happened in Port Charles, just for their own sick amusement. Frankly, Robin was just happy that no one had died today.

 _“And what do you mean, your daughter’s boyfriend is a mob informant, Mac? What the hell is going on in this family?!”_

 _“Oh, shut up, Robert! Officer Barrett is willingly putting himself in the line of fire, which, hey! That sounds familiar!”_

 _“You don’t get to judge my boyfriend, Uncle Robert!”_

 _“Don’t call me ‘Uncle!’”_

“Patrick,” she said again. “Maxie’s in there cheering for whatever conversation topic results in the most carnage, and Georgie’s pretty much encouraging her in that little endeavor; Uncle Mac looks like he’s either going to have a stroke or stab my dad with the carving fork, whichever happens first; and my parents are doing some bizarre jealousy dance around each other, the true meaning of which I don’t even want to _begin_ to contemplate, that involves heavy flirting with _your_ dad and his girlfriend.” She flapped her hands helplessly. “Tell me what, exactly, about any of that you think you can make _normal_?”

Patrick stared at her, torn between anger that she didn’t believe they could come up with a brilliant last-minute plan like they always did at the hospital, and resignation. Patrick _was_ brilliant, however, and he ultimately knew that resistance was futile. In Port Charles, the house always won.

“Fine,” he sighed sadly. “Let’s just bring out the pies and try to get through the rest of the evening in one piece. What’s the worst that could happen?”

*****

Someday, Patrick would learn to stop asking that question.

He and Robin reentered the room with just enough time to set the pies down on the table, almost return to their seats, and see Anna finally snap and throw the object closest to her at Robert.

That object was a spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes.

Robert returned the favor by throwing a scoop of cranberry sauce at Anna. The potatoes had partially blinded him, however, and caused his aim to go wide. Noah had the good sense to duck, leaving Cooper to take the hit.

“Wow, he really is in the line of fire,” Dillon said. Maxie defended her man with a well-aimed handful of broccoli casserole.

Looking back on things, no one was terribly surprised that all hell broke loose after that.

*****

Robin ducked under the table just in time to avoid a flying glob of olive tapenades, wincing when she heard the sharp _plop_ it made as it hit the back of her chair. After a moment, Patrick appeared beneath the table as well. He was gaping incredulously at the chaos going on above them, although his attempt at stoicism was somewhat diluted by the gravy dripping down his hair, courtesy of a surprisingly strong-armed Kristina.

“So,” he said breathlessly. “That was a spectacular failure. I’m actually kind of impressed.”

“This really wasn’t how I expected the day to end,” Robin laughed giddily, somewhat hysterically. “Something being set on fire, sure. Maybe one of Alexis’s kids would wander away somewhere and get lost. But a food fight?”

Patrick cocked his head as he considered this. “You said it yourself, it’s our families.”

Robin dropped her head and sighed. “Fair point. Unfortunately.”

Someone screamed at the other end of the table and Robin turned around in time to see a turkey wing wetly land on the floor.

“Okay, seriously, we have _got_ to get out of here,” Robin pleaded.

Patrick nodded, and pointed towards the relatively clear path under the table towards the doorway. “If we can avoid being kicked or having anything dropped on us, I think we can make it.”

Another squeal came from above them, followed by Georgie shrieking, _“Oh my god, Dillon, I spent hours on that pie!”_

Robin nodded desperately. “Let’s go. Please.”

They managed to make it to the end. As they were climbing out from underneath it, however, someone knocked into the table, jostling all the contents on top. Unfortunately, some of those contents happened to be balanced precariously near the space Robin was fleeing from, and they happened to fall to the ground just as she was standing up. Luckily for the carpeting, Robin stood between it and the cranberry sauce.

Robin shrieked, shaking her head to clear it of the goopy mess. Patrick wasn’t wasting any time, however, and dragged her out of the war zone dining room and into the safety of the living room and entryway.

“Again!” Robin cried. “I’m wearing cranberries for the second time today!”

Patrick wiped at the gravy that still dripped down his face. “Well. That was interesting.”

Robin fell against his chest, mixing the condiments they were wearing slickly together. “ _Again_ ,” she moaned.

Patrick wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He couldn’t suppress the chuckle that bubbled up in his chest. Patrick thought that he might finally be getting used to the insanity that followed Robin around wherever she went, and he was certain that he would never get bored with her.

“It could be worse,” he offered.

Robin kept her face buried against Patrick’s sweater. Her pitiful, “ _How_?” came out slightly muffled.

“Well…this could have happened in public.”

Robin was completely silent for a moment, so still that Patrick couldn’t even feel her breathing. Then, just when he was starting to worry, Robin burst out laughing, a real, full laugh that she hadn’t been able to do all day.

“God!” she choked out between giggles. “Can we just get out of here while we still can?”

Patrick was never going to refuse Robin when she asked that question. “Absolutely. I have a shower big enough for two people with our names on it, and another pie waiting for us when we get out.” He nudged her suggestively. “Which won’t be for quite a while.”

Letting out another round of giggles, Robin nodded. “That sounds perfect. Wait.” She looked up at him quizzically. “Another pie?”

Patrick actually flushed. “Eh…I told you. Mike’s a romantic, and he’s rooting for me to not screw things up this time.”

Robin pouted slightly as she tried to process this, the answer hitting her in a flash. “Oh my god!” she squeaked. “Please tell me that Mike did not bake you some sort of _sex pie_!”

“Okay.” Patrick grinned much too widely. “I won’t.”

It was, Robin realized, still far from the most disturbing thing she’d heard all day. And besides, she had never been one to turn down free Patrick _or_ free pie.

“Let’s go,” she smiled, pulling him towards the front door. “But you’d better have whipped cream.”

Patrick grinned lasciviously. “Why, Dr. Scorpio, don’t you know me at all?”

As they closed the door on the distant sounds of the food fight still going strong, Robin’s voice could be heard echoing down the driveway, full of laughter and love.

 _“For the pie, Patrick, the pie!”_


End file.
